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Alternatively, aggressively making demands of others can lead them to become resentful and deliberately obstructive.

The aim should be to recognise that we have the right to make requests of others and that they have an equal right to refuse. Assertiveness does not guarantee you will get what you want- it merely increase the chances.

Don’t apologise profusely for your request. The long wind up to a request implies that you feel you have no right to make it.

Be direct and to the point. If you make hints rather than requests, people are likely to be suspicious of both.

Don’t justify making the request e.g. “I wouldn’t normally ask” or  “I don’t want to be a nuisance, but …”.

Keep it short. Long winded explanations are confusing and increase the chances that you will start justifying yourself.

Give a reason for your requests if you think it will help, but be sure it is genuine and keep it brief. “My car’s in the garage tomorrow, could you give me a lift to work ?”.

Don’t “sell” your request with flattery or bribes. “You’re just the person, would you mind ?”.

Don’t play on people’s friendship or good nature.

Don’t take a refusal personally, even when the request is of a personal nature or when a work colleague is also a friend. Otherwise, s/ he might feel guilty for refusing it.

Respect the other person’s right to say no. With a personal request take no for an answer. Don’t plead or bully. With a work request, give more information and clarification, find out why the person can’t meet your request. If the answer is still no, turn your efforts to finding a workable compromise.

SAYING NO

Many people find this difficult and end up saying yes, when they want to say no (feeling guilt about refusing or giving excuses instead of the real reason for not agreeing). In contrast, others refuse requests aggressively, leaving the requester feeling guilt and upset.

The key to assertively saying no is to remember that other people have the right to ask- you have the right to refuse. At work, where the definition of your job may restrict your right to refuse, remember that you still have the right to state the difficulties the request will cause.

Hints for saying no assertively

*    Keep the reply short, avoiding long rambling justifications
*    Simply say no, “I don’t want to” or “I’d prefer not to”. These phrases are particularly useful for refusing personal requests
*    Give a reason for refusing if you want to, but don’t invent excuses
*    Avoid “I can’t” phrases as these can easily end up sounding like excuses
*    Don’t over apologise
*    Assert your right to ask for further clarification or more information before deciding
*    If appropriate, ask for more time to decide
*    If appropriate, try to find a workable compromise
*    Non verbal behaviour is important. Especially, with short replies, you   need to slow down and speak steadily and warmly. Otherwise, replies like “no, I don’t want to” can sound overly abrupt

DO

*    Remember your “rights”- to decide for yourself what you agree to, and what requests you refuse
*    Remember that the other person has rights and feelings too. Recognise and  acknowledge these needs while not losing sight of your own
*    Give a brief, succinct explanation of your standpoint IF the situation and your position allow it
*    Remember that it is also OK to say “No” without giving a reason, and without feeling guilty
*    Make your decision to agree to, or refuse, a request based on how you feel, not on what is expected of you, or how the other person thinks you should feel
*    Use the broken record technique, offering a workable compromise if appropriate
*    Keep calm, using a firm tone of voice when saying “No”
*    Remember to match your body language and non verbal communication to the words you use

Time needs to be seen in perspective.  It is like a road that we travel along at a fixed rate of one hour per hour.  To plan our time we need to have a map which gives close-up detail for the road immediately ahead, but only an outline for the far distance.

What diaries do you need?
Your working diary, in whatever form, is a planning tool, in which you plan ahead for tomorrow, next week, next month or further into the future.  Ideally, it should be loose-leaf, for reasons that will become clear.

Primarily, you need to work with two levels of diary; short-term for today (with a lot of detail) and long-term for the future (less detail).  Depending on what you choose, you may need more than one type.

Diary for today
First of all, you need short-term detail about today.  For this, you could use a personal organiser, filo-diary, or a day planner.

The ideal day planner would have two main components: a diary page showing times of day (for booking appointments or fixed time items); and a page to list tasks or activities to be done.

Diary for next week/next month
Next, you need longer-term detail about next week, or next month, in which to book and keep track of appointments.

You could use your personal organiser or filo-diary for this.  However, if this diary becomes too bulky to carry around all the time, for example, when you are away from the office, you may also need to carry a small pocket version, which is your booking diary, preferably with one line per day, in which you can confirm time booked for the future.  Remember that it is a planning tool not a detailed diary.

A long-distance overview diary
Lastly, you need a long-distance overview of what is coming over the next few months, or even over the next year.  For this you want a monthly or yearly planner.  It should contain only the barest detail.

How to use them
To keep a clear overview of your time, only carry with you pages for the next few days or weeks.  Anything further ahead should go on your long-term planner.  In this way, you will not be distracted from ‘now’ time.

Now that you have your diaries, and will use them as a tool to plan your time, there are two important questions to be answered:

•    Where do I start?
•    How much detail should I put in?

Fixed Time
Fixed time is time that cannot be moved.   You will have discovered that these fixed time items happen, partly because they are fixed in your diary.

Ask yourself the question: which tasks will be more efficiently covered if I set a regualr or fixed time for them?  This list can include not only the regular and important tasks dictated from outside sources, but items that are important to you such as desk work, planning time, etc.

Flexible time
Flexible time is the time available to you after fixed items have been booked into your planner.  The things you get done in flexible time will vary considerably, depending on the priorities of the day.  You need to plan flexible time into your diary, but what use it for will be less predictable than fixed time items.  Flexible time often gets eaten up by urgent reactive tasks.

Where do I start?
Start by ensuring that any fixed time items for the coming period are accounted for, particularly those which are not very regular and therefore easily forgotten.   Then imagine that you are packing the boot of your car.

First put the big items in, and then fit the small ones around them.  This principle should guide you in planning your diary.  First plan the big items, then allocate time to the smaller ones.  At this point remember the lesson of applying the urgent/important test to your time log.  Allocate time to your important tasks.

How much detail do I put in?
If not used properly, diaries can become a cross between a scribbling pad and an A4 filled with notes.  In any case, most long-term planners don’t give you enough room to put down all the detail you need.

The answer is to put in as little detail as possible, preferably only one word and the task reference number.  All the detail should be carried over to the activities page for that particular task.  The result is a cleaner and clearer diary.  An overview, not a muddle.

What happens if an appointment moves?  You only have to rewrite the reference, not all the detail.

Be realistic
When planning a day (or week), be realistic.  All meetings can overrun; it takes a finite time to go from one meeting room or office to another.  Allow for these, built in gaps to go back to your office, or to deal with the messages that stack up in your in-tray.

Build in time for yourself.  Block off time every day for your own use.  If possible, allow no one to make appointments for you.  A lot of time can get eaten up in that way.

Desk top is often the most important task for which you should book your own fixed time.  If your job involves a great deal of paperwork, make fixed-time desk work appointments with yourself, or all that paper will just pile up.

Go with the flow
Most places of work have a distinct pattern to the day.  Allow for this pattern when planning your day.  If possible, long-term important tasks should be planned for the lull times; keep all the little tasks for when you are more likely to be interrupted, and so on.  Go with the flow of work around you; a tightly planned schedule that does not take into account the realities of working life will soon break down.  Your planning should be flexible without returning to the situation where your time was dictated by others.